SHIRLEY(Shirley can think of nothing worse than vacationing with her family.) So I tell Mom, I say, “Look, Mom, I’d rather eat a live snake than hang out for two whole weeks with you and Data and Norman in the middle of the wilderness in Idaho somewhere.Besides, I can’t take Norman. I don’t care if he’s my little brother or not, he’s a dork. He’s built like this little tank and he’s just as destructive. Why can’t I say home? I’m too old for family vacations.
And she says, “You’ll have to talk to your father about that.” They always cop out like this when they haven’t got nerve enough to be honest, to give you bad news themselves. If I would have asked Dad he would have said, “You’ll have to talk to your mother about that.” You ever notice how they do that? Pass the buck? A neat trick, huh? So much for parents.
So I go and talk to Dad and tell him that the thought of spending two weeks in the back of our van with Norman makes me puke. Besides, who needs Idaho? Like what the hell does Idaho have to offer, anyhow? Summer’s short enough without having to spend it in misery in the middle of nowhere in a tent with no toilet
INVISIBLE FRIENDS By Alan Ayckbourn
(Here, Lucy takes us through the series of events that lead to the fateful fall that caused Zara the invisible friend to materialize.)
LUCY (To audience): So I came upstairs again with Zara. Feeling even more depressed. Because I know that, partly anyway, that had all been my fault. I know what would happen if I brought Zara downstairs. I knew Dad would go mad. He always does. I think, in a funny way, they get like that about Zara because she frightens them. Well, the idea of her frightens them. Because they don’t understand about her at all. But then people are always frightened of what they don’t understand. They didn’t understand why I needed her. Let’s face it. They didn’t understand, full stop. So I sat up in my room with no supper and I talked to Zara. Because she did understand.
(WALT and JOY come upstairs and go off to their bedroom.) And finally we stopped talking and Zara ended up on the end of my bed and fell asleep like she often did and maybe I fell asleep, too, I don’t know. And when I woke up I could hear Dad and Mum going up to their room to bed. And I thought about going in there and saying I was sorry to them both and then I thought, “No, why should I?” So instead, I switched off my light so they’d think I was asleep (She does this.) Though I know that really I should have gone and said sorry to them. That’s what I should have done. Then none of what happened next would have happened. But it did.
from BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY
(Bridget) There's something that I have to say. You once said that you liked me just as I was... and I just wanted to say... well... likewise you know? I mean you wear stupid things your mum buys you - that tie's another classic- you're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing in every situation, and I seriously believe you should reconsider the length of your sideburns. But you're a nice man and I like you. And if you wanted to pop by sometime, it would be nice... more than nice.
|CHER’S "PRESENTATION" ( from “Clueless”)
So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all "What about the strain on our resources?" But it's like, when I had this garden party for my father's birthday right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that like, did not R.S.V.P. so I was like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings, but by the end of the day it was like, the more the merrier! And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty?
CHER’S SOUL-SEARCH (from “Clueless”)
(Cher, voice-over) Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I was wrong about Elton, I was wrong about Christian, and now Josh hated me. It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion, I was just totally clueless... Oh and this whole Josh and Ty thing was wiggin' me more than anything. I mean, what was my problem? Ty is my pal, I don't begrudge her a boyfriend. I really... (looks into a store window) Oooh! I wonder if they have that in my size! (comes out of the store with bags in tow) What does she want with Josh anyway? He dresses funny, he listens to complaint rock, he's not even cute in a conventional way... I mean, he's just like this slug that hangs around the house all the time! Ugh! And he's a hideous dancer, couldn't take him anywhere. Wait a second, what am I stressing about, this is like, Josh. Okay, okay......so he's kind of a Baldwin. What would he want with Ty, she couldn't make him happy, Josh needs someone with imagination, someone to take care of him, someone to laugh at his jokes in case he ever makes any...then suddenly....(pause) Oh my god! I love Josh! I'm majorly, totally, butt crazy in love with Josh! But now I don't know how to act around him. I mean normally I'd strut around in my cutest little outfits, and send myself flowers and candy but I couldn't do that stuff with Josh.
from FRIED GREEN TOMATOES
(Evelyn Couch:) I never get mad, Mrs. Threadgood. Never! The way I was raised it was bad manners. Well I got mad and it felt terrific! I felt like I could beat the shit outta all those punks! Excuse my language, just beat them to a pulp! Beat them 'til they begged for mercy. Towanda, the Avenger! After I wipe out all the punks of this world I'll take on the wife beaters, like Frank Bennett, and machine gun their genitals. And I'll put tiny little bombs in Penthouse and Playboy, so they'll explode when you open 'em. And I'll ban all fashion models who weigh less then 130 pounds. I'll give half the military budget to people over 65 and declare wrinkles sexually desirable. Towanda, Righter of Wrongs, Queen beyond Compare!
from AMERICAN BEAUTY
(Ricky) It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing. And there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was just... dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember...I need to remember. (distant) Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it...and my heart is going to cave in.